Sadness

Depression Junkie

In Closer (one of my favorite movies), there was a scene where Clive Owen and Jude Law were locked in a heated argument over Julia Roberts.
Confirming what I suspected, Kat told me that I seek out things to be depressed about. The sucky realization that this might be true in my case made me feel… well, what else, sad.

Maybe I gravitate towards darkness and failure because on some level, I don’t want to change the misery to which I had become accustomed. Maybe my unyielding pessimism is my way of avoiding pain. Maybe, in my subconscious, I feel undeserving of happiness, and I nurture this self-defeating attitude by finding a way to feel like shit. Maybe lang naman.
 
How sick is that? I have had quite enough of being all dark and twisty. Time for a change, methinks.

Ela is a twentysomething who is constantly getting stuck in self-destructive behavior and bouts of low self-esteem. She struggles with depression and writes to relieve herself of her feelings. Sometimes she even blogs about other things like makeup and positivity. One of her pieces was published in the Inquirer Young Blood in October 2017. She likes cats, dogs, and sometimes even people.

3 Comments

  • ʎonqʎʇıɔ

    i'm a bit of a depression junkie too. nakakatakot ang peace, i learned pretty recently. it's easy to be emo, it's hard when you have to start living life.

    (in a creepy high pitched whisper ala penelope cruz in vanilla sky) *open your eyes* 🙂

  • cookie monster

    They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.

    –ganito ako pag depressed ako 😐 😐 😐

Leave your thoughts here!

%d bloggers like this: