Recently, I read an article that discusses the differences between overly dependent and overly independent people who suffer from anxiety.
I am the most needy person I know. I take it personally when I feel like friends are drifting away, and even a minuscule thing like a slow response from my boyfriend to my messages bothers me. As an overly dependent anxiety sufferer, I am in need of constant validation and am hurt when I don’t hear what I want to hear.
The manifestations of my anxiety
As much as I hate to admit it (being someone who, oddly, calls herself a “strong independent woman”), I’m quite dependent on my boyfriend for managing anxiety. I call him in the wee hours of the morning when I feel stressed or sad.
I’m also paranoid – I snooped through his messages once because I was afraid he was cheating. Keep in mind, I didn’t have any hard facts or even a slight suspicion; I just wanted to be sure.
Lately, I haven’t been seeing my friends. My boyfriend says it’s because we’re all living our own lives, thus making it difficult to schedule get-togethers. He says that doesn’t mean we’re not important to one another.
I try to reach out to my friends as often as I can, trying to reassure myself that what my boyfriend says is true. For the most part, it is – we’re all just busy with work and relationships.
Honestly, it sucks to be this way. I hate needing others so much, because to me, it just proves how much of a burden I am to my loved ones. However, self-awareness doesn’t mean shit if I’m not going to do anything about it.
The playbook for managing anxiety as being someone who is overly dependent
- I will talk to my therapist about it. See if we can come up with a plan for me to manage my symptoms without relying on others too heavily.
- I will enjoy a life that is my own. That means having a quiet cup of coffee while reading articles on Flipboard, or playing with Pawcard during downtime.
- I will write, more often and with more passion than before. Maybe this is why I love blogging so much, even if I do it on and off. It’s my thing – something that soothes me when I’m in deep in the ocean of depression and anxiety. It’s all mine; I don’t need my friends or my partner to join me in this.
Of course, when my symptoms are severe, I’ll still need a support system in place. This is me trying to strike a balance between support and independence. Wish me luck!