How does one be in a loving, healthy relationship without sabotaging it?
Honestly, I don’t know how people do it. I try my best to be trusting, to be loving – but I often feel like I fail. My boyfriend reassures me constantly that I’m wonderful, that I deserve happiness; still, I feel remarkably undeserving of his affections.
I know this is my low self-esteem talking, and that I do deserve love despite all my imperfections. My psychologist told me that I should embrace my flaws and accept that I am lovable in spite of them. On the surface level, I know this to be true. However, on a deeper level, I feel like an impostor for even trying to love myself because I just can’t see past my mistakes.
I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish I could just be happy, and enjoy myself without reservations.
I deserve it, after all.
I just wish I believe in that.