• Friends,  Personal Favorites,  Positivity

    I found comfort in the chaos of Makati

    In a bustling city of concrete and glass, we converged as strangers. Different people, different stories.

    One thing united us, as we eventually discovered: we were all broken in some way. Our past relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners haunted us. Those ghosts followed us all the way to Ayala Avenue, where an office building stood dark and formidable.

    city,ayala,makati,skylines

    Within those four walls, I experienced a gamut of emotions. Joy. Stress. Motivation. Pride. Anger. Sadness. You saw it all, from me helplessly weeping on the sidewalk to me practically yelling in the streets in a fit of rage.

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  • Prose and poetry,  Relationships

    Rescued

    It was cold, wet, windy.

    Photo by Amit Shaiwale on Unsplash

    Waves were crashing down upon my head, one after another, pummeling me into submission. Saltwater-soaked clothes like weights, dragging me down deeper into the churning frothing freezing liquid hell, anchoring me to the sea floor even as I struggled to keep my head above the current.

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  • Family,  Friends,  Places

    A quick trip to Quezon

    For weeks, I pestered my parents for us to take a trip. It doesn’t have to be far away! I just want to get away from the metro for a while!

    Finally, on a weekend near the end of November, they caved to my whining. We’d be going to Quezon for an overnight trip, and they encouraged me to bring Gelo so I’ll have company.

    beach, trees

    And so, with some alcohol in the bed of our pickup and way more food than is necessary for an overnight trip, we drove to Real, Quezon. Being the chronically sleepy bum that I am, I spent the whole drive fast asleep, curled up like a cat, while Gelo happily made conversation with my parents.

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  • Beauty,  Food,  Places,  Self-care

    Treat Yo Self: October 2018

    October was a rough month for me: as I mentioned, I was dealing with a lot of problems. It got to the point where I was crying in the shower that I take before going to work.

    I don’t have a lot of disposable income right now due to bills, but one week in October, I just said: screw it. I deserve to splurge at least a little bit to make myself feel better.


    First, I got a gel manicure from Nail Tropics:

    Snapchat filters are life!
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  • Depression and anxiety

    Quit while you’re ahead

    Trigger warning: This post includes a discussion on suicide. I am in no way encouraging anyone to take their own life; I am merely sharing my experience and perspective. Please seek professional help for any mental health issues you may have.


    A friend of mine told me a story.

    An acquaintance’s sibling* attempted to take their life. Afterwards, when asked why, he simply said that he was already happy as is.

    My friend didn’t understand. If you’re already happy, he said, then why try to kill yourself? It doesn’t make sense!

    I took a shot of vodka before saying: it makes sense to me.

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  • Depression and anxiety,  Mental health

    Numb: being back on meds

    My anxiety has been making an unwelcome reappearance, together with my depressive symptoms. I didn’t have much of an appetite, I was sleeping too much, and I was crying everywhere (seriously, everywhere: in my shower, in the bathroom at work, in the Grab car on my way home).

    So I made an appointment with my psychiatrist a few weeks ago. After his assessment, he put me back on meds: divalproex sodium, sertraline, and clonazepam.

    Honestly, I felt so conflicted about that.

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  • Personal Favorites,  Prose and poetry,  Relationships

    Months ago, miles away: There are no worse bus rides than the ones that take me away from you

    For every day that you and I meet, I hold on to the bus tickets.

    At the end of the night, I pull the ticket out from my wallet and unfold it, smoothing the tattered corners, laying it flat before carefully placing it in the corner of my bookshelf, on top of a pile of other tickets. This has become a ritual of remembering: scattered in my closet like confetti, lining the bottom of an empty shoebox, slipped between the pages of a favorite book.

    I have kept every scrap of cheap newsprint that chronicles our journey from the beginning, from our first bus ride.

    Photo by Bash Carlos on Unsplash
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  • Beauty

    REVIEW: The Brow Studio

    This is a blog post long overdue!

    Back in May, I went to The Brow Studio in Uptown Mall for some much-needed beautification. I chose to have the Brow Definition (PHP768) done. It’s a combination of brow shaping, definition, and tinting.

    Honestly, I could have gone to another (read: cheaper) salon to have my brows done, but look at how pretty the interiors are in this place:

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  • Friends,  Personal Favorites,  Prose and poetry

    You, me, and the sea

    But time makes you bolder, even children get older. And I’m getting older, too.

    Landslide, Fleetwood Mac

    “I’m happy we’re doing this,” you said. “We haven’t really talked like this in a while, and I’ve been wanting to speak with you.”
    I perked up a little, trying to blink the drowsiness from my heavy eyes. I wanted to listen, to truly hear what you had to say. Then again, you never did have much trouble catching my attention.

    tent on beach
    Photo by Jamison McAndie on Unsplash
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  • Mental health

    Why I can talk about my mental health so casually

    I was at work, chatting to a friend about my upcoming trip to my psychiatrist.

    It’s my anxiety, I said. It’s been acting up again. I might need to go back on meds. My heart keeps racing and my palms are even sweatier than usual. Breathing is a challenge despite me being stationary in front of the computer for 8 hours.

    I barely noticed another friend of mine sidling up, apparently listening to the conversation. I gave him a brief acknowledgement before going right back to my story.

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