• Mental health

    Shaming me for taking meds? Let’s talk.

    Depression is a difficult illness to explain, mostly because even experts are not yet sure as to what causes it.

    Whatever the cause may be, there’s a stigma surrounding mental illness and even more of a stigma when it comes to admitting that you take antidepressants, anti-psychotics, and anti-anxiety meds to help you.

    antibiotic blur cocktail glass cocktail tablets meds
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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  • Depression and anxiety,  Mental health,  Prose and poetry

    How I started my morning

    happy coffee
    Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

    I was drinking coffee this morning

    watching the news

    when the anchor said an accident had occurred

    in the city where I worked.

    The streets were all

    too familiar.

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  • Self-care

    The story behind my tattoos

    I have a couple of tattoos on my left hand and wrist. I posted a photo on Imgur and people were like, “Ew your tats are laaaaame.” I found it hilarious that they would judge me, a stranger, because they didn’t even know what these tattoos mean to me.

    marc johns, ice cream, anchor, tattoos

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  • Depression and anxiety

    Unloved / Unlovable

    Most of the time, I feel unloved.

    I have long since accepted that I am unlovable, that I am not worthy of someone else’s affection and time. I am not worthy of any effort. I am an extremely mediocre human being whose only salvation might be death (or taking lots of depression naps, which is basically the same thing).

    The truth is, I’m screwed up twelve ways ’til Sunday.

    I’m damaged goods. Everything I do, whether it’s unintentional or through self-fulfilling prophecy, I inevitably fuck up. I cry too much, and I always get anxious for no logical reason. I overthink constantly, sifting through the bits and pieces of my relationships to figure out what I’m doing wrong and when people will leave me.

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  • Mental health,  Tech

    I nuked my Instagram account

    I’ve had that account since around 2011. Needless to say, it has become a diary of sorts chronicling the joys in my life for the past 7 years. So you may be wondering why I did what I did.

    Yesterday, I said, “fuck this” and deleted my account.

    Not deactivated the account or even just deleted the app – I deleted my entire account, including posts, followers, the entire shebang. I thought I would feel instant regret, but writing this, I feel utterly relieved.

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  • Depression and anxiety,  Mental health

    On being overly dependent

    Recently, I read an article that discusses the differences between overly dependent and overly independent people who suffer from anxiety.

    dependence, anxiety, psychology, relationships, abandonment

    I am the most needy person I know. I take it personally when I feel like friends are drifting away, and even a minuscule thing like a slow response from my boyfriend to my messages bothers me. As an overly dependent anxiety sufferer, I am in need of constant validation and am hurt when I don’t hear what I want to hear.

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  • Depression and anxiety,  Mental health,  Writing

    When does writing about depression make it worse?

    I write a lot about my depression. Whether it’s in my iOS journal app Day One, or here in my blog, I often write when I’m feeling down. My psychologist suggested it to me in our early sessions, and I’ve been doing it fairly consistently for a couple of years now. I’m happy to report that for the most part, it’s been a great tool to divert myself when I’m having a bad episode.

    writing, journal
    Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

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  • Depression and anxiety,  Family,  Friends,  Relationships,  Self-care

    Apologies to different people

    Sorry…

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  • Depression and anxiety

    Self-loathing, or I wish I were anybody else but me

    Self-loathing has become such a part of my identity that it’s hard to part with it. I have my good days, like when I’m feeling that everything is awesome and I can conquer the world. Still, more often than not, I have my bad days, when the world threatens to crush my spirits.
    [photo source]
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