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Category: Relationships

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Still

Still

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Since we last talked, I mean. And I’m not referring to our last text messages — I’m referring to the last time we really, truly talked.

And oh, how I miss our conversations, hanging out in cafés to discuss everything from books to philosophy. It was a better time for us, a time when we were so in sync we knew what the other was thinking. A time when communicating wasn’t quite as exhausting as it was in the last months.

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Since it’s Thanksgiving

Since it’s Thanksgiving

Even though I haven’t been feeling grateful for anything lately, I want to change that if only for a day. And what better day than Thanksgiving?

Here’s what I’m truly thankful for:

  1. Lolo made it out of the hospital after several weeks’ confinement.
  2. Related to #1: Though it’s pretty heavy on the pocket, I still manage to pay off my debts for his hospitalization. I didn’t need to resort to extreme measures, and I will always be grateful for that.
  3. Bunbun, my wonderful boyfriend who is amazingly patient and understanding when I’m being a selfish brat. He is there for me through all my highs and lows.
  4. The Best Friend, who just “gets” me. There’s not a lot of people who can do that. My inadequacies aren’t quite so glaring through his eyes.
  5. Bru, one of my closest friends from college, who indulges my pointless rants and is forever supportive of me. She has grown into a strong woman and I couldn’t be happier for her.
  6. My best friend from work, who has truly challenged the way I see myself and others. His trust and love mean more to me than words can express.
  7. The Squad from work. Incredible fun to be had when we’re all together. And they didn’t think any less of me when I was devastated about Phoebe passing away.
  8. Team 2PM, who make me look forward to lunch because I know we’re going to go nuts along Ayala Avenue, laughing about disgusting things at the top of our lungs. #shameless
This has not been the best year for me (to be honest, I absolutely despised 2015) but at least I didn’t have to go through it by myself.
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First impressions

First impressions

 
The first time we met, you decided you will never like me. I get drunk too easily, I smoke too much, and I’m obnoxiously loud. I’m constantly thinking about food, and I always seem to say the wrong things. My taste in music was weird, and my words were caustic as can be.

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Lessons learned

Lessons learned

This has been an incredibly painful month for me. It didn’t help that I turned 22 and I still feel like my shit isn’t sorted. My only comfort is that at least I’m still learning, which means (hopefully) I haven’t given up yet.
 
So, here are a few things I’ve learned recently:
 

Growing up means doing things you don’t want to, because you have to.

For me, that means going to work and doing my laundry even on days when all I feel capable of doing is curling in a ball and crying. Growing up means biting the bullet and moving back in with my mom, even if it’s the last thing I want to do, because I simply can’t pay my rent anymore. That shit stings, but I’m a big girl. I’m an adult (supposedly). I have to be okay with the difficult choices I make.
 
And speaking of difficult choices…
 

Love doesn’t conquer all.

“Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough,” so goes that song. Love is a beautiful, majestic thing, but it’s not the only thing. In love, as with everything else, there comes a time when you have to make a difficult choice. And as I’ve said before, doing the right thing isn’t always easy. You can love each other very much, but there will always be external factors that come into play.
 
And please don’t tell me, “If you love each other enough, you’ll find a way to make it work.” Haven’t we all outgrown that trite, naïve advice? Sometimes, there’s no other way than to let go.
 

Friends aren’t always there for you.

Being single can be awesome, but it can also get pretty lonely. When I was in college, I didn’t mind much because I had my lovely friends who I saw every day. Now that we are all working, though, we hardly ever meet. I can’t go running off to Tapsi to drunk-cry on their shoulders, because we all have our own separate lives and schedules now.
 
It’s not that they don’t want to be there for me. I know they do. But I can’t insist on taking their time just so I could feel a little less lonely for a night. That would be asking too much, and I never ask for more than what others could give.
 
Even The Best Friend has got a job now. He spends his time either working or resting. As much as I want him here right now, I repeat, I never ask for more than what others could give. I swear, these are the times that I wish I had a more emotionally available best friend.
 
 

These lessons are coming at me so hard and fast that I feel overwhelmed by it all. But if this is growing up, then please send me the hell back to my childhood.