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Category: Ruminations

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On self-destructive behavior

On self-destructive behavior

Photo by Andrew Amistad on Unsplash

I’m alone in bed, with the only company in the form of my cat. He’s napping, and I’m jealous of how he lives to eat, sleep, and play. We should all live so simply, I think.

Back in the day, I would have taken some beer to my room, put on loud music, and drank by myself until I felt slumber’s sweet arms embracing me. But things are different now. I’m trying to be good about self-care, or at least, better than what I used to be.

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Doubts

Doubts

Despite me being nearly 26, I’m still harboring issues towards intimacy and romantic relationships. I have abandonment issues, so I push my partners away and pick fights just to see if they’ll stick around anyway. And if they give up, I’ll say, “Ah, see, I was right: no one stays.”

Black and White Textured Storage Label

It doesn’t help that I’m a very prideful person, and I am loathe to make the first move when it comes to apologizing. I’d rather wait on pins and needles for them to reach out.

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How do you want things to be?

How do you want things to be?

This question is so important because most of us walk around with some degree of dissatisfaction in our lives. Whether it’s a successful career, a relationship, or more money that we’re craving, we always wind up thinking: “If only I had this or that…”

dissatisfaction, self-help, life

Speaking from a place of privilege as a middle-class woman with a reliable source of income, a steady relationship, a beautiful cat, and several gadgets I love, sometimes I still feel like my life is lacking. I want more out of it. I guess desire is human nature, but there has to be a limit as to what we crave.

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Something to prove

Something to prove

As of this morning, I am officially broke.
My savings for my supposed Puerto Galera trip this October have evaporated. Payday isn’t until the 29th or 30th, which means that in order to pay my electric bill on Friday, I’ll have to forego picking up my laundry (and thus paying for it) until I get my salary.
And dinner? Forget about it—the only food I have at home is a pack of Skyflakes, which I’m thriftily eating only two at a time so it’ll last longer. I could only eat at the office, where the food I buy is salary-deductible, thank Glob.

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