• Current events

    Why I stopped, and resumed, reading the news

    Up until recently, I stopped reading the news.

    I used to be a bit of a news junkie, thanks to the Flipboard app. I selected a bunch of topics that I wanted to see on my feed: global events, news from the Philippines, civil rights (feminism, LGBTQ+, racism), and mental health, among others.

    man reading burning newspaper
    Photo by Elijah O’Donnell on Unsplash

    I devoured all the articles. In that way, I formed my opinions on the social and political landscape.

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  • Friends

    A friendship I wish I never made

    I have made a lot of mistakes in my 26 years of existence; thus, I have a lot of regrets. Poor choices in romantic relationships, self-destructive behavior, etc. But the one thing that sticks out for me is a friendship with a particular person.

    What I discovered during our friendship

    This person had deep-seated trust issues. They were possessive of me having other friends, to the point that even missing a bus ride home with them was a point of contention. I had to walk on eggshells around them because they were especially sensitive. I always had to be the bigger person—I justified it by saying that they were too young and less mature than I was.

    Gelo was always annoyed at my friendship with that person because he knows that they don’t treat me as well as I should be treated. He wondered why I bothered to keep up my friendship with that person for so long.

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  • Beauty

    REVIEW: Barenaked Body Sugaring Salon

    Despite the whole kilay is life movement, I was never truly invested in attaining #browgoals. For several years, I relied on threading to keep my somewhat bushy brows tidy. It was a chore I put off for as long as I could. I have a low tolerance for pain, so threading is a dreaded process. I often get teary-eyed from how much they sting.

    Once, I went to a salon for a threading, and the attendant was pulling the hair from my brows so forcefully that I started to wonder what I did to earn her wrath.

    When I found Barenaked Body Sugaring Salon on Facebook, I immediately wanted to try it out.

    Barenaked Body Sugaring Salon lobby
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  • Friends,  Positivity

    I almost flaked on plans to have a wonderful night out

    When I’m in a depressive slump, I tend to shut myself off from people. My psychiatrist told me that I should follow through with plans, regardless of how I feel on that day. He said that it would help me feel better.

    He understood that it takes more energy for a depressive person to do this, but he stressed the point that isolating myself and lying prone in bed is not helpful, and only serves to reinforce my loneliness.

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  • Beauty

    REVIEW: L’Oreal x Balmain Lipstick Collection

    In September 2017, L’Oreal launched a lipstick line in collaboration with fashion brand Balmain. So I’m pretty late to the game on this review, because you know, life gets in the way.

    Anyhow, I bought these lipsticks mainly because it was in collaboration with Balmain—it might be the closest I can get to buying makeup from a luxury brand, haha.

    I purchased the shades Domination and Power for PHP499 each.

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  • Tech

    Want to customize your phone? Try Total Launcher

    A month ago, when I was seriously considering buying the iPhone XS Max, Trish tagged me in a Tweet. She posted a screen recording of her Android phone with a launcher installed. She had all kinds of shortcuts to trigger different functions, and she pressed me to try it.

    total launcher

    Not fully convinced, I installed one for myself, and IT CHANGED MY LIFE. Android launchers are the best thing that has happened to me tech-wise in a long time.

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  • Depression and anxiety,  Prose and poetry,  Ruminations,  Sadness

    I can’t trust my senses

    You’re worthless. You don’t matter. Your existence means nothing: you may have been something special before, but not now, and never again.

    This isn’t me talking.

    That’s Depression, talking in His sweetly sinister voice.

    That voice has the ability to permeate the nooks and crannies of my mind. It is a noxious gas tainting my memories, even the good ones. I’ve been living with it for so long—more often than not, in eighteen years—that it’s difficult for me to ignore it.

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  • Family,  Personal Favorites,  Ruminations

    Leaning towards being childfree

    One night, Mama and I were chatting over coffee, and I was rattling off the things I didn’t like about kids. When she asked if I plan on giving her grandchildren, I replied, “I don’t know.”

    Thankfully, she said that she wasn’t too keen on being a lola anyway. I joked that she should already consider Pawky her grandchild, since he is basically my son.

    I’ve been giving this a lot of thought over the past three years, and it’s about time I wrote about it: I’m seriously thinking about going childfree.

    I’ve taken a lot of factors into consideration.

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  • Depression and anxiety,  Mental health

    A very dangerous state of mind

    I mentioned in a previous blog post that I was back on meds because I was backsliding into a depressive state. Last weekend, I had one of my worst suicidal episodes yet. I wanted to kill myself.

    It was 3am on Saturday. I was laying in bed, chilling with Youtube videos, when without warning, I felt terrible. No trigger whatsoever—I just suddenly felt that everything was pointless. That I’m a worthless loser who will never amount to anything, who will always be a burden to my loved ones.

    state of mind,rose,black,pensive

    I started sobbing, tears and snot running down my face. As soon as I wiped them away, they started anew. It went on like that until 6am.

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  • Health,  Positivity,  Writing

    Resolutions and Goals for 2019

    In a manic pursuit of self-improvement, I created an extensive list in Todoist of my goals in 2019.

    goals, resolutions, 2019

    Really, I’m setting myself up for failure, because there are so many damned goals:

    Meditate twice daily! Exercise! Stop smoking! Meet with Gelo! Read more books! Write more often! Eat at new restaurants! Go to the theater! Meet with YC! Visit a museum! Arrange an out of town trip with Boopy! Meet with the squad! Donate to my preferred animal shelter! Meet with Kath!

    Just a few of my goals for 2019.

    It’s ironic that one of my goals is “make time for yourself”. Seriously, after doing all this, how am I supposed to even keep my eyes open?