Grey’s Anatomy, I think, influenced me way too much, with the drama, the songs, the word seriously, and the emotional one-liners that they repeat over and over during the climax of the episode. Anyway, the main character, Dr. Meredith Grey, has abandonment/daddy issues. There was a particular episode where she knocks on her father’s door, and demands an explanation as to why he had left her and her mother. “Why didn’t you stay? Why didn’t you stay and fight for us?”
Recently, I’ve been thinking about my own father and how I’d like to meet him. Don’t get me wrong: my family on the mother’s side is the best. They never lacked in love and togetherness. Having grown up with five guys in the family, I never really sought a father figure. And my mom did an excellent job at being a single parent: always finding time for me, and giving me everything I need and almost everything I want.
If his family hates me, it’ll be too bad, because they’re missing out on a wonderful addition to their family. No, I’m not saying they have to accept me instantly. I’m saying I want the opportunity to meet and get to know my relatives on the father’s side. (I grew up used to the fact that I only have one set of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I have never had to use the phrase “on my father’s side”.) And if he has children, why wouldn’t I want to meet my half-brothers/sisters? Discovering siblings would be so great.
We used to have a picture of my dad stashed in a cabinet. I think it was a 2×2 ID picture. When I was young, I used to look at it when my mom was away, afraid that she might get mad if she saw me looking at his picture. Years later, when we realized that the picture went missing, a sadness filled my heart. I felt like I lost the only piece of my father that I ever had.
Mom never told me about the things I want to know. I mean, I appreciate the tidbits of info she tells me, but I want to get to know my father as a person, not as a black-and-white character, crudely drawn on a blank canvas, with little depth and warmth. If ever I get the chance to meet him… I’ll make sure he never walks out on me again. Why am I getting so emotional over a man I’ve never met?