College life

UP: Unending Pressure

Earlier tonight, I asked my mom where I would study law after finishing AB Behavioral Science in UST.
She replied, “UP, of course.” That means I have to take the UPLAE. *sigh* I’m sorry, I’m just not up for another rejection from UP!
 
Ever since I was a high school sophomore, my mom has always told me that I needed to pass the UPCAT. I never thought much of it until I was a high school senior and realized that the UPCAT was becoming less of an idea and more a huge, terrifyingly real, obstacle.
The pressure was on, and it wasn’t just from my mom. My then-boyfriend, who studies in UP, also kept telling me that passing the UPCAT was important to our relationship. Ironically, he constantly told me that I wouldn’t pass.

It was early June that I took the UPCAT. My hands were shaking as I sat down and looked at the paper. And all I kept thinking was, “Oh, my god. [Insert name of ex here] was right, I will never pass this in a million years! This is too hard! Too hard! Too hard! TOO HARD!”
I did the best I could. Afterwards, when I left the room, I was on the verge of tears – of frustration, depression, disappointment. My mother could not understand why I was so crushed. Comfort came in the form of a friend, who told me, “Ikaw, di papasang UPCAT? Pssh. Ipasa mo yan tapos isampal mo sa mukha niya [referring to my ex].”
Several months later, when my mom was thinking about her plans for me now that I was about to enter college, quite unexpectedly, I broke down crying. Between hiccups, I told her that passing the UPCAT was a very slim possibility, that I was scared of letting her down. She then soothed me, saying that it didn’t really matter whether I went to UP or UST.
Now that I’m happily, comfortably settled in UST, I find out that I have to go through all of this again with the UPLAE. Damn it!

Ela is a twentysomething who is constantly getting stuck in self-destructive behavior and bouts of low self-esteem. She struggles with depression and writes to relieve herself of her feelings. Sometimes she even blogs about other things like makeup and positivity. One of her pieces was published in the Inquirer Young Blood in October 2017. She likes cats, dogs, and sometimes even people.

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