In Closer (one of my favorite movies), there was a scene where Clive Owen and Jude Law were locked in a heated argument over Julia Roberts.
Confirming what I suspected, Kat told me that I seek out things to be depressed about. The sucky realization that this might be true in my case made me feel… well, what else, sad.
Maybe I gravitate towards darkness and failure because on some level, I don’t want to change the misery to which I had become accustomed. Maybe my unyielding pessimism is my way of avoiding pain. Maybe, in my subconscious, I feel undeserving of happiness, and I nurture this self-defeating attitude by finding a way to feel like shit. Maybe lang naman.
How sick is that? I have had quite enough of being all dark and twisty. Time for a change, methinks.