My love/hate relationship with heels

I actually used to love wearing heels. In my first year of college, I wore heels all the time. I wore ’em for school, even when I sprained my ankle. I wore ’em to Paskuhan, which was an epic mistake because at the end of the night I was limping. Heels, I believed, were a great way to make up for my lack of height, and instantly made anyone that much more fabulous.
In my sophomore year of college, I started wearing flats again, because 1) commuting is hard enough without having to walk on stilts, 2) I was always drinking/drunk and I needed flats to keep my balance when I’m dizzy, and 3) my feet always hurt. There is no greater relief than kicking off four-inch-high shoes in favor of ballet flats or flip-flops.
My boss gave me these heels!

Fast forward to the present, AKA me being employed. Everyone in my department tells me I should wear heels. They say I look better in them, and that it gives me the grace and poise that I lack when walking. True as that may be, I still wear them with a mixture of annoyance and triumph.
My gait changes when I’m in heels: more refined, more feminine (a nice change of pace from my usual masculine stomping-about, apparently). The height boost is also much appreciated. Plus, they make a top-and-jeans outfit look put-together.
But there are inevitable downsides. Most irritating is the fact that I walk slower than usual, and I hate that because I like to walk fast, damn it. I also can’t endure wearing heels for hours anymore, and usually take them off after three hours. And my legs feel like crap afterwards, from the toe to the calves.
The worst part of it all, though, is the feeling that society pressures women into wearing these bloody things for the sake of vanity. Despite the growing love for flats, there will still be occasions where it’s “necessary” to wear heels. That’s what pisses me off: how come it’s imperative that women wear these torture devices? When did we decide, as a society, that there are events where wearing heels are not only expected, but demanded from us?
Although I’m glad I started learning how to walk in these damned things again, I’d still go for flats at every possible opportunity. Even for formal events.

Ela is a twentysomething who is constantly getting stuck in self-destructive behavior and bouts of low self-esteem. She struggles with depression and writes to relieve herself of her feelings. Sometimes she even blogs about other things like makeup and positivity. One of her pieces was published in the Inquirer Young Blood in October 2017. She likes cats, dogs, and sometimes even people.

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