Relationships

Explaining myself: the break-up

To my friends: if you haven’t heard by now, let me tell you that I am newly single.Breaking up was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make, and honestly, I still have my doubts about it. I know some people will sneer and say, “Hey, you’re the one who broke up with him. Deal with it.” Those people can kindly shove a stick up their ass. Relationships are not as simple as “If you love him, you should be together!” That naïve shit doesn’t fly with me anymore. There are so many other factors in dating, other than love.

If it’s only love we’re talking about, then I’m sure we wouldn’t be in this position. Trust me: between the both of us, we have enough love to power the entire city of Manila (if that analogy doesn’t make sense to you, then I’m sorry you never felt that way). However, there are certain things that can’t be overlooked even when wearing rose-colored glasses, and I realized that we need to be apart, at least for now.

I do not want to be in a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. It’s unfair to keep the “boyfriend” or “serious relationship” labels without giving him all my heart and soul. At this moment, I can’t do that. We have individual issues we need to work on by ourselves.

Let it not be said that I don’t love him. Since the break-up, I haven’t slept well, unless you count the times I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know what to do or where to go after work, because I was always with him. I don’t know how to cope without talking to him about my day, asking him about his. More than anything, I want to go back to our college days, when everything was better.

I know I made the right decision in leaving, and I stand by it. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy. Hell, it doesn’t even always make you happy. But I know that right now, we need to be apart, and no amount of love will change that.

Ela is a twentysomething who is constantly getting stuck in self-destructive behavior and bouts of low self-esteem. She struggles with depression and writes to relieve herself of her feelings. Sometimes she even blogs about other things like makeup and positivity. One of her pieces was published in the Inquirer Young Blood in October 2017. She likes cats, dogs, and sometimes even people.

2 Comments

  • Milly Schmidt

    My housemate broke up with her fiancé and it took a full year before she confessed she wasn’t thinking about him every day. Luckily, around the same time, I had also recently broken up with someone, and had also done the ‘breaking up’. I understood what she was going through and even though she was the one who had ended things, you can be just as hurt about the breakup. A lot of people couldn’t understand why my housemate was taking so long to recover (sometimes even I thought she was taking it a bit far) but everyone is different and everyone heals at different rates, and there is no way you can truly place yourself in someone else’s shoes. Best to be as understanding and as patient as possible! It’s been almost two years and my housemate is finally starting to break out of her shell and realise she needs to ‘put herself out there’ if she wants to find someone. Prince charming won’t just land in your lap! I’m glad she took a break though and was single for a while. Too many people rush into rebound relationships and I have no respect for that. Being single for an extended period of time really helps you to get in touch with your true self. I’m just so excited that she’s interested in dating again!

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