To K & P

I’ve had a lot of friends in my life come and go. For some reason, you two stayed.

You’ve seen me at my best – joyful, laughing, making goals and bursting with joie de vivre. Now you see me at my worst – utterly despondent, lifeless, despairing.

It seems that no matter how low I see myself, you see me in a much better light. You call me affectionate, generous, and brimming with love, even as I see myself as callous and selfish.

How I wish I could see myself through your eyes. In our years of friendship, you never made me feel worthless. And despite the innumerable texts I send when I’m depressed, you remain understanding. And you always manage to talk me down from the ledge.

Words are not enough, and they never will be, for me to express my gratitude. The love you show me gives me hope, and the faith you have in me makes me want to believe in myself, too.

I love you. Always. No matter what.

Ela is a twentysomething who is constantly getting stuck in self-destructive behavior and bouts of low self-esteem. She struggles with depression and writes to relieve herself of her feelings. Sometimes she even blogs about other things like makeup and positivity. One of her pieces was published in the Inquirer Young Blood in October 2017. She likes cats, dogs, and sometimes even people.

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