Mental health,  Relationships

How do you let yourself be loved when you feel unlovable?

How does one be in a loving, healthy relationship without sabotaging it?

heart shaped red neon signage
Photo by Designecologist on

Honestly, I don’t know how people do it. I try my best to be trusting, to be loving – but I often feel like I fail. My boyfriend reassures me constantly that I’m wonderful, that I deserve happiness; still, I feel remarkably undeserving of his affections.

I know this is my low self-esteem talking, and that I do deserve love despite all my imperfections. My psychologist told me that I should embrace my flaws and accept that I am lovable in spite of them. On the surface level, I know this to be true. However, on a deeper level, I feel like an impostor for even trying to love myself because I just can’t see past my mistakes.

I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish I could just be happy, and enjoy myself without reservations.

I deserve it, after all.

I just wish I believe in that.

Ela is a twentysomething who is constantly getting stuck in self-destructive behavior and bouts of low self-esteem. She struggles with depression and writes to relieve herself of her feelings. Sometimes she even blogs about other things like makeup and positivity. One of her pieces was published in the Inquirer Young Blood in October 2017. She likes cats, dogs, and sometimes even people.

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