melancholia

melancholia

i woke up
again
to the thoughts of worthlessness
of melancholia
of being alone.

they say you should love
yourself before anyone else can
love you.
but why does he hold my hand so tightly
and gaze at me with tender eyes?

why does he care
if i wake up at 3 in the morning
crying because my head won’t stop telling me i’m worthless?
why does he tell me i’m worth loving?

you don’t need to love yourself to be loved. it is a lie
we tell ourselves because we feel
we don’t deserve the kindness of others.
but we do.

i fall asleep, comforted
by his arms
and the reassurance
of a love to come.


Written years ago, for a lover who eventually left.

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