• Family,  Personal Favorites,  Ruminations

    Leaning towards being childfree

    One night, Mama and I were chatting over coffee, and I was rattling off the things I didn’t like about kids. When she asked if I plan on giving her grandchildren, I replied, “I don’t know.”

    Thankfully, she said that she wasn’t too keen on being a lola anyway. I joked that she should already consider Pawky her grandchild, since he is basically my son.

    I’ve been giving this a lot of thought over the past three years, and it’s about time I wrote about it: I’m seriously thinking about going childfree.

    I’ve taken a lot of factors into consideration.

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  • Family,  Mental health,  Positivity,  Relationships,  Ruminations,  Writing

    Reflections on 2018

    Every end of the year, I reflect on what transpired over the course of the past 365 days. I am a naturally introspective person, so I enjoy examining these events and the effects they’ve had on me.

    Living with depression, it’s always the default to see things in extremes, i.e. this year has been terrible. My perspective is skewed to look at the shitty parts of life, so in this post, I’ll do my best to be as rational as possible.

    2018, kylie jenner, quote
    Kylie was really onto something there.
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  • Family,  Friends,  Places

    A quick trip to Quezon

    For weeks, I pestered my parents for us to take a trip. It doesn’t have to be far away! I just want to get away from the metro for a while!

    Finally, on a weekend near the end of November, they caved to my whining. We’d be going to Quezon for an overnight trip, and they encouraged me to bring Gelo so I’ll have company.

    beach, trees

    And so, with some alcohol in the bed of our pickup and way more food than is necessary for an overnight trip, we drove to Real, Quezon. Being the chronically sleepy bum that I am, I spent the whole drive fast asleep, curled up like a cat, while Gelo happily made conversation with my parents.

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  • Depression and anxiety,  Family,  Friends,  Relationships,  Self-care

    Apologies to different people


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  • Family,  Friends,  Relationships

    Since it’s Thanksgiving

    Even though I haven’t been feeling grateful for anything lately, I want to change that if only for a day. And what better day than Thanksgiving?

    Here’s what I’m truly thankful for:

    1. Lolo made it out of the hospital after several weeks’ confinement.
    2. Related to #1: Though it’s pretty heavy on the pocket, I still manage to pay off my debts for his hospitalization. I didn’t need to resort to extreme measures, and I will always be grateful for that.
    3. Bunbun, my wonderful boyfriend who is amazingly patient and understanding when I’m being a selfish brat. He is there for me through all my highs and lows.
    4. The Best Friend, who just “gets” me. There’s not a lot of people who can do that. My inadequacies aren’t quite so glaring through his eyes.
    5. Bru, one of my closest friends from college, who indulges my pointless rants and is forever supportive of me. She has grown into a strong woman and I couldn’t be happier for her.
    6. My best friend from work, who has truly challenged the way I see myself and others. His trust and love mean more to me than words can express.
    7. The Squad from work. Incredible fun to be had when we’re all together. And they didn’t think any less of me when I was devastated about Phoebe passing away.
    8. Team 2PM, who make me look forward to lunch because I know we’re going to go nuts along Ayala Avenue, laughing about disgusting things at the top of our lungs. #shameless
    This has not been the best year for me (to be honest, I absolutely despised 2015) but at least I didn’t have to go through it by myself.
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  • Family,  Friends,  Relationships

    Lessons learned

    This has been an incredibly painful month for me. It didn’t help that I turned 22 and I still feel like my shit isn’t sorted. My only comfort is that at least I’m still learning, which means (hopefully) I haven’t given up yet.
    So, here are a few things I’ve learned recently:

    Growing up means doing things you don’t want to, because you have to.

    For me, that means going to work and doing my laundry even on days when all I feel capable of doing is curling in a ball and crying. Growing up means biting the bullet and moving back in with my mom, even if it’s the last thing I want to do, because I simply can’t pay my rent anymore. That shit stings, but I’m a big girl. I’m an adult (supposedly). I have to be okay with the difficult choices I make.
    And speaking of difficult choices…

    Love doesn’t conquer all.

    “Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough,” so goes that song. Love is a beautiful, majestic thing, but it’s not the only thing. In love, as with everything else, there comes a time when you have to make a difficult choice. And as I’ve said before, doing the right thing isn’t always easy. You can love each other very much, but there will always be external factors that come into play.
    And please don’t tell me, “If you love each other enough, you’ll find a way to make it work.” Haven’t we all outgrown that trite, naïve advice? Sometimes, there’s no other way than to let go.

    Friends aren’t always there for you.

    Being single can be awesome, but it can also get pretty lonely. When I was in college, I didn’t mind much because I had my lovely friends who I saw every day. Now that we are all working, though, we hardly ever meet. I can’t go running off to Tapsi to drunk-cry on their shoulders, because we all have our own separate lives and schedules now.
    It’s not that they don’t want to be there for me. I know they do. But I can’t insist on taking their time just so I could feel a little less lonely for a night. That would be asking too much, and I never ask for more than what others could give.
    Even The Best Friend has got a job now. He spends his time either working or resting. As much as I want him here right now, I repeat, I never ask for more than what others could give. I swear, these are the times that I wish I had a more emotionally available best friend.

    These lessons are coming at me so hard and fast that I feel overwhelmed by it all. But if this is growing up, then please send me the hell back to my childhood.
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  • Careers and the employee life,  Family,  Fashion,  Music,  TV and movies

    Random update (in photos)

    Family outing

    Took an unpaid day off work to celebrate Lolo‘s birthday with the family. I haven’t spent time with them in quite a while: I hardly ever go home anymore, preferring to spend the weekends in my apartment instead. So this is a nice change of pace.

    HR Team bonding

    At work, we get quarterly budgets to spend bonding with our department co-workers. This quarter, we decided to go to SM MOA for Sakae Sushi.
    My plates.
    I stuffed my face with tuna sushi and sweet-and-sour fried fish of some sort.

    May the odds be ever in your favor

    I went to see Godzilla in IMAX with The Best Friend last week. We spotted this mockingjay necklace in a comic book store and of course I had to have it.

    New addiction: Zalora

    Shopping is fun, but it’s easy to get bored and tired of going from shop to shop in a crowded mall. Thanks to Zalora, impulse-buying can be less stressful. :p Now I’m addicted to browsing their site and adding to my wishlist.
    Recently, I ordered a new pair of shoes and they arrived the next day. Super fast service!

    So girly!

    You’ve gotten good at hiding emotion…

    A lyric from Sleight of Hand, AKA my new favorite Urbandub song. THIS IS MY LIFE.

    So, that’s that. How are you guys doing? :3

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  • Family,  Places

    Random snaps from Negros Occidental

    Despite The Ruins being the highlight of our Bacolod trip, that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the places in between as well. Although none of them matched up to the ruins (nothing will ever match the ruins, ever), I was still able to get some decent shots.


    Where my mom and I argued about the kind of fish that was swimming in the lagoon.
    Me: It’s tilapia!
    Mom: Why would they put tilapia in a lagoon?!
    (Upon asking a local, it turned out I was right: the fish were tilapia. WHO SAYS MOTHERS KNOW BEST?!)

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  • Family,  Places

    Bolinao beachbums

    (AKA in which I shall talk about my trip to Bolinao, Pangasinan with my family.)

    First stop was breakfast at Adora’s, where I had the tastiest tapa I’ve eaten since my favorite carenderia near UST closed.

    After breakfast, we stopped at St. James Parish, which was right around the corner.

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  • Family,  Places

    Family trip to Quezon

    My first (and hopefully not the only) outing this summer was an overnight stay in Lucena, Quezon at the Quezon Premier Hotel. We had a package inclusive of dinner, breakfast, and a 30-minute body massage.

    Our room

    It also included a day tour to two nearby attractions:

    Kamay ni Hesus

    It took us fourteen minutes to climb this.
    View from the top

    Taytay Falls

    To get to the falls, we had to hoof our way there for maybe five to ten minutes. This reminded me of my Laguna experience, except way less nerve-wracking.

    Since it was a weekend, I expected that people would be swimming there, but what I didn’t expect was…

    A swarm. A positive swarm of people who have set up tents and tarpaulins and portable cookware as far as the eye can see. No rock was left unoccupied. I wish I took photos but I was too stunned (no exaggeration here) to do so.

    I didn’t get to appreciate the falls as it was way too crowded for my taste 🙁

    Enough about this, though; let’s get to the gritty (and honestly, my favorite) part of this post:

    My list of complaints!

    • The hotel had brownouts frequently, and I mean frequently. The power must have gone out not less than three times during our stay.
    • I called at 6:30PM asking when dinner would be served. The desk operator said 7PM. At 8PM, I called asking why dinner hasn’t been served yet. He replied that they would now begin making our food.
    • Breakfast the following morning also took a long time to be served. Two of our party hadn’t even gotten their dishes yet while the rest of us were already finished. To make things worse, the server was a sarcastic smartass.
    • The tour was supposed to start at 8AM and last for four hours. It started at 9AM and lasted for over six hours. We were exhausted and pissed off, because we were supposed to be heading back home early.

    Thankfully, one of the staff was very polite and apologetic. I guess I shouldn’t have expected more, though; it was a discounted price.

    Overall, it was nice to spend time with my family before I start job-hunting (gulp!) in May. I hope we get to go out again and make the most out of this summer.