• Family,  Mental health,  Positivity,  Relationships,  Ruminations,  Writing

    Reflections on 2018

    Every end of the year, I reflect on what transpired over the course of the past 365 days. I am a naturally introspective person, so I enjoy examining these events and the effects they’ve had on me.

    Living with depression, it’s always the default to see things in extremes, i.e. this year has been terrible. My perspective is skewed to look at the shitty parts of life, so in this post, I’ll do my best to be as rational as possible.

    2018, kylie jenner, quote
    Kylie was really onto something there.
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  • Prose and poetry,  Relationships

    Rescued

    It was cold, wet, windy.

    Photo by Amit Shaiwale on Unsplash

    Waves were crashing down upon my head, one after another, pummeling me into submission. Saltwater-soaked clothes like weights, dragging me down deeper into the churning frothing freezing liquid hell, anchoring me to the sea floor even as I struggled to keep my head above the current.

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  • Personal Favorites,  Prose and poetry,  Relationships

    Months ago, miles away: There are no worse bus rides than the ones that take me away from you

    For every day that you and I meet, I hold on to the bus tickets.

    At the end of the night, I pull the ticket out from my wallet and unfold it, smoothing the tattered corners, laying it flat before carefully placing it in the corner of my bookshelf, on top of a pile of other tickets. This has become a ritual of remembering: scattered in my closet like confetti, lining the bottom of an empty shoebox, slipped between the pages of a favorite book.

    I have kept every scrap of cheap newsprint that chronicles our journey from the beginning, from our first bus ride.

    Photo by Bash Carlos on Unsplash
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  • Relationships

    Ramblings from a broken heart

    kelly-sikkema-530092-unsplash
    Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

    Heartbreak sucks. It hurts so badly and I can’t even express it properly because it’s such a fucking cliche. That feeling of having someone you cherish take your heart and put it through a meat grinder – I mean, it’s safe to say that most people have that experience under their belt.

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  • Mental health,  Relationships

    How do you let yourself be loved when you feel unlovable?

    How does one be in a loving, healthy relationship without sabotaging it?

    heart shaped red neon signage
    Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

    Honestly, I don’t know how people do it. I try my best to be trusting, to be loving – but I often feel like I fail. My boyfriend reassures me constantly that I’m wonderful, that I deserve happiness; still, I feel remarkably undeserving of his affections.

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  • Relationships,  Ruminations

    Birth-yay!

    My birthday is less than a month away, and I’m stoked!

    yellow pink and blue party balloons
    Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

    My boyfriend certainly plays a big part in why I look forward to this year’s birthday.

    Our first date happened to fall on my birthday last year. He picked me up and took me out for a dinner date at The Frazzled Cook in Quezon City.

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  • Relationships

    ’til next weekend

    stack of love wooden blocks
    Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

    “Get up. Let’s dance,” you said.

    As I molded my body to yours, we swayed back and forth, even with no music in the background. Just our conversation and soft laughter. I press myself against your chest and listen closely to your heartbeat.

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  • Prose and poetry,  Relationships

    Away

    clouds cloudy dawn dramatic
    Photo by Ghost Presenter on Pexels.com

    I don’t like it when you’re away.

    And I don’t just mean

    when you’re far from the reach

    of my arms.

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  • Prose and poetry,  Relationships

    What Cigarettes Contain

    “4000+ chemicals, 43 of which are carcinogenic.” (From quitsmokingsupport.com)

    I like you in the way I like my cigarettes – always onhand. A constant. I am always craving more. Always wanting just one more hit – one more kiss.

    And yet you are infinitely better for me than these carcinogen sticks. And I don’t just mean good for my body. I mean good for my heart, good for my soul. Yet you both make me feel breathless.

    cigarettes, smoking

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  • Prose and poetry,  Relationships

    everything is better when it’s new

    new, beach, sea, blue, brown, poetry, love, relationships

    that new car smell
    a fresh pack of cigarettes
    an unopened book –
    newness makes us believe,
    hope for something
    better
    than what we have
    now.
    if that’s the case,
    then why
    do i crave
    the familiarity of
    your face
    your gaze
    and
    your arms as they graze
    against mine?
    newness
    is overrated.
    i long
    for you
    in the long
    haul.

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